Blogg

Blogg

Take me away to better days - walking through the shadow of death

Posted on March 16, 2019 at 7:35 PM Comments comments (0)
"take me away to a secret place  
a sweet escape   take me away   
take me away to better days   
take me away  to a higher place..." Natasha Bedingfeld 

This song spoke so much to me actually the morning of the attacks on the mosques in Christchurch and on the innocents who have been taken...it was heavy on my heart but I didnt know why and then the news came in the afternoon...

I also had another old song in my head...the words were "wake up to the call there are people out there dying dont you know?" I felt I was  being told to take up my purpose ..and actually it was a double message...

there were people dying in my home city ... they were being shot at two mosques...

This was evil attacking innocents and lwe must look to  better days, for us and the families who have lost those they love...taken wrongly -  we all need hope and love to continue - reaching out to each other as no one can go it alone...

we need the light to rise and overcome the darkness of death and the shadow of that valley...

to go to the secret place - waiting for heaven - when darkness seeks to overwhelm us and pain and sorrow abound and loss is too much...death is spiritual and not just biological and you cannot ignore it...

there is need to go to a secret place to cry and to ask for help and for grace and power to go on ...a place of beauty and strength a place of grace...

when life and death is too much for our humanity

when darkness is all around us the shadow of death

we must go on

knowing there will better days...reaching to a higher place...we all need peace

please dont give up God is with you...and we will not fear evil or let that fear suffocate and over take us but rather rise up and fight against

with power, love and a mind that is strong - not weakened by the negative lies that can abound that bring division between peoples...and bring down a person's will to go on...

say to your enemies your fears..

"do what you want but you're never gonna break me

sticks and stones are never gonna shake me

no whoa no"

I got a pocket full of sunshine I've got a love that I know that is all mine I know

you wish that you could

but you're never gonna own me

do anything that you can to control me... oh oh no"

No one can control you and you must not let them - or control your mind -

realize you are free you are allowed to be and you will have to fight for it sometimes, but no one can take that from you ever..

Listening to this song it sounds so much like heaven and maybe it is when you are there...we are more than flesh and blood ... we are spiritual beings as well as human and we find hope in a heavenly world that await...those who have gone before those who have recently died...go into the everlasting arms...of He who loves us...

"theres a place that I go that nobody knows     where the rivers flow and I call it home

and there's no more lies and darkness is light

nobody cries      theres only butterflies..."

thinking of you Christchurch and your children may the angels protect you all - do not not let any fear frighten you but rather stand up with love and courage and walk on and it will disappear from before you....

love Anndrea x

Why I was crying for my mother - and the love attachment between human beings needed...

Posted on December 19, 2018 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (0)

     When I was very little I played up for the babysitters because I wanted my mother. Fair enough, she did belong to me after all and I wanted her with me not out somewhere with my father. I still remember clearly how I threw the toys out of my cot one time in anger because she wasn’t there, and the baby sitter kept talking to me but I kept throwing the toys out it made me so mad she wasn’t there for me. I must have been all of two years old.

     When I stayed at friends’ places overnight down the road I would suddenly get consumed with the need to see my mother which did not please my friend’s parent who had to walk me home at 3am in the morning – never again she said (I must have been seven years old or around that age) which I cant blame her as me and my friend had begged her to let me stay the night at their house. Then when I wanted to stay at ten years old my friend’s parent said will you cry for your mother again if you stay? No, I promised. I think I survived only just.   

     People today, ie. psychologists  would label that attachment anxiety..I call it normal to want to be with your mother.   A child that doesnt want to be with their mother has usually given up trying and turned their back on here out of depression - of course different attachment styles the best being secure attachment - upset when mother leaves, happy when she returns.   Insecure attachment upset when mother leaves and angry when she returns and crawls away from her, or doesnt care when mother leaves anymore has accepted baby's lot, or chaotic attachment mother has controlled and intruded so much and changed her moods toward the child that the baby doesnt know if it wants her or not.   Secure attachment develops out of mother and child bonding and mother is there for  the baby and not changeable a base to come back to where you feel safe and secure. 

    Childcare institutions hate that research on attachment stuff because it takes away from their making money out of looking after people's children in our capitalist society, they say it doesnt matter what you do and how long you leave your kid in childcare but one day it will matter when that kids grows up and feels unsupported in their life  I have met so many kids grown up who were left in childcare just too much, before care, after care, holiday care and they feel alone one said he felt like he was in a prison every holidays left in the day cares up to 12 years old.   Childcare centres deny with a vengeance the impact of hours in childcare, but the research is there that it can impact on cognitive development,  just being depressed as a child impacts on that child's well being, the centres are only thinking about their filthy lucre...they think children will be happier and more intelligent if they are in childcare thats the narrative that suits their business.   Having robots with children will be easy after all this.  ADD AND ADHD  no wonder, put them on technology and keep them out of mother's hair does not always work.   

    Children getting anxiety and depression more and more as they depend on phones for their emotional hit or company...  Whereas children need to learn emotional regulation through interaction with others, especially their parent soothing and talking to them, their very presence ...yes of a parent -..is powerful and releases chemicals that buffer stress on a child.  Why take that from chidlren?

When I was married with four kids and we moved to Australia, my mother said will you cry for your mother? No, I said and grinned. She knew how much I needed her and missed her.

So it went on over the years and when I divorced and rang my father he was so sorry for me over the phone and I cried and my mother came over to stay for a few weeks. Yes she was there for me then.

When my mother got sick I had been talking to her for a few months about one of my daughters upsetting me, and she rang her to tell her off. Friends of my ‘ said don’t stress your mother. Excuse me if I want to talk to my own mother I will, also we never knew she was sick then.  If a daughter cannot talk to her mother then whats the point?   Mothers and daughters need to share with each other.

When my mother was dying I was crying on her lap and I said I will never see you again and she said oh I don’t know, you might…I guess she meant heaven.

When she was gone I cried heaps and recently I was crying for her in the car listening to the song “I don’t know what love is if you’re not here with me…” from A star is born movie…I realized that the first place we learn love from is our mother as soon as we are born…no wonder such a deep loss…when they go or deep impacts if mothers are not there for their children at all or have no time for them…

I went to a shop to buy curtains that had birds on them…they were reduced but still not enough that will be $200 worth I said to the girl how much reduced…you know what she said they are remnants I will give them to you for $4 “What?” I said “how come?” Because I want to for you said the sales girl I’m doing it for you. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to say it was such a gift I felt…

I said are you from New Zealand? Because you keep saying “eh” and she said no from the Islands. Which islands? The Cook Islands. My mother is from the Cook Islands I told her. I grew up in Aitatuki she said and Rarotonga. So did my mother! I told her my mother’s family name and there a numerous cousins there of mine, the whole of those Cook islands really. The girl said one of my sisters is married to that family I said my father a Welsh man as well as marrying my islander mother, has a sister also married to a Rarotongan and he is an uncle…oh she said my uncle is his brother. So we are related in some way I said? We must be somehow connected. We laughed and she was younger than me and had an Australian partner and was settled here with her four children. We said we would keep in touch. I had a relative suddenly here. I felt like it was from my mother and she gave me the curtains…it was some kind of blessing. Thanks, I said thanks a lot. I dried my tears.    

Attachment is deeper than we think and it doesnt end when someone dies but continues on forever after...

All the best

Anndrea x

Mary Magdalene....sorrow and joy...hard religious people against women...we are all equal...

Posted on August 16, 2018 at 10:10 PM Comments comments (0)
When I saw this movie it was an incredibly creative sensory experience, not just a religious account which can become dry to watch, instead it was deeply touching in many different ways I did not expect.

As one critic said it is slate and white in colours, and beautiful, and I think the actress Rooney Mara is exceptional here playing Mary. Also the star of the Irish ‘The Secret Scripture’ movie, as a young woman treated despicably by those who say they love her but then put her in a mental institution and she is accused of something she never did. Rooney Mara as Mary Magdalene powerfully captures the essence of emotion of the whole situation – finding answers to life, finding answers for your life, finding a reason to live and purpose in this life finding herself. I liked the humanness of Joaquin Phoenix in his Jesus portrayal someone who is accessible and easy to talk to, relating to the human condition and showing love and care.

 

In the middle of having lost my mother…I was sensitive to the movie’s story you might say… when Mary is in the middle of the traumatic experience of seeing Jesus bleeding and carrying his cross… the flight fight chemical response of humans who are deeply traumatised...she runs away stares at the sky and sees the clouds and the sunlight through her hair strands, she lies on the ground staring up …Caught in the surrealness and horror

I remember many times as a child running away from my home to find some peace in a garden or a forest…starring at nature around me trying to not feel the pain that was being pushed on me…parents fighting….angry voices….violent noise

Many times I felt like Mary Magdalene as described in the gospels, crying in the garden, she cannot stop crying and she looks up and Jesus is there, and he says why are you crying…?

 

I felt like it was being said to me…because she says they have taken my lord’s body and I don’t know where he is

Mary he says to her…she didn’t recognize him..she thought he was the gardener…she looks up and it is Him…the one she was crying about

Rabboni she cries or “teacher” when she realizes who it is

It his him. He never judged her, he loved her and accepted her and he gave her a voice. She would be stronger now, because she had his back up

When my mother was dying I was crying in her lap and she said what’s wrong? I said I don’t know what I am going to do, I will never see you again… She said ohhh no you might see me again, she said it with a voice of strong resolve. Is she talking about heaven? I wondered. Have you had a cup of tea are you alright? Are you sleeping ok? she asked…I couldn’t believe she would be worried about me. Right then though I was her little girl

 

I felt it all again as I watched Mary Magdalene in the movie and when I read John (gospel) I saw she too was weeping and he came to her and said what are you crying for? Its going to be ok. I felt his comfort

 

The theatre was empty for a few people that time, another time I saw it the place was full. I said to my Christian friend is the church against this movie because they are worried its not biblical enough? And non-Christians against it because it is too religious? Just take it as a movie. Whether accurate or not it is a creative take on a famous event from Mary’s eyes.

You know the bible never talks about details of personality or how Jesus related as an everyday man since it is a spiritual book. I said to my friend, the son of God would have been friendly he would have smiled and laughed and he would have had compassion and empathy.

 

 

 

I also felt the grief and wrongness of those soldiers gambling and casting lots for Jesus clothes as he hung there dying. I related it to how I saw people dividing my mothers estate and chattels like dividing the spoils, like marauding dogs not caring who they hurt, trampling on my mother’s life and history taking all they could. I realized she was also exploited by those who said they would “look after” her, but really were trying to gain from her death.

I couldn’t believe the greed and nastiness, people warned me that’s what happens when people die, others fight and turn on each other. Greed rises up and things can be bad. It was like she died all over agai

Exploitive people attacked me, her only daughter and living child, for taking my own mother’s things to keep for her memory, all I had left.

I turned to the minister who was an old school friend. He said why don’t they leave you alone? They are vultures. He said he would tell off the threatening individual. I know that the man I had to stand up to was used to manipulating others, and was not used to a woman talking back or arguing with him because he was a bully and I refused to stand down.

Shouting and threatening toward me I said if you do not stop I will call the police - how dare he?

I am not in this for monetary gain he said (what a comedy act) oh I thought yes you are, my mother had gifted him money in her will. I’m not taking this stress he said, and walked out of my mother’s house to his car, afraid the police were coming, or the minister I had called… your mother would be turning in her grave if she knew what you were doing was his parting shot as he walked past me. My mother would be turning in her grave if she knew what you were doing I replied, (how dare you I thought to myself, poor mum, she didn’t even know, he was exploiting her, an old person he appeared to be helping her). My friends watched on amusedly who were helping me, at least I had witnesses. He was threatening toward you they said.

So angry at what this man had done wrong before my mother died, and while she died, and his refusal to call a doctor. I could not stand by and be the “nice” girl anymore. This dominating man thought I would take and do everything he said, like all the other women and family in his life. No not me he had it wrong. My words were invalidated by brute force then I stepped back, but not this time....

Mary Magdalene was set free to be who she really was and no longer constrained by the chains of society, of religion for that matter or men. Laws made to control and have power over others oppress and put a cage on human spirit. They should not be allowed to do so. Therefore, governments for that matter should be made accountable for their laws and actions

This girl was misjudged by religious men who judged condemned and tried to punish her and they were cold and unjust…when really she just wanted to be free to do good and do her purpose in life. The culture of the time so highly patriarchal gave no girl a voice…and in many ways today they still do not get their voice heard in certain cultures and religions, even yes Christian

It is taken away by laws, harshness and brute force of evil men and even men who appear “good”. Mary Magdalene was set free by someone else’s acceptance of her as a person, as having rights, the right to speak…she found her voice

Men were threatened by her. Jealous of her – Mary magdalene was the first person Jesus appeared to after his death…the men thought it would be them. Why a woman? Why not? Why indeed, he did not look down on a woman the way the men did. He did not consider her any lesser. He considered her their equal. She followed Jesus with the other disciples she travelled with him

In the gospel’s accounts, Mary runs to tell the disciples that she has seen Him alive, and they do not believe he is alive...even though he said it would happen...little faith there...

In the movie they are sarcastic. Later Jesus rebukes them for their unbelief (gospels) – his own followers - for not listening to those such as Mary who had told them he was alive. They had not even believed the words he had said to them before he died, that he would rise again

It is amazing how hard and cold those who purport to be Christians are toward any love, care, miracles or supernatural power God shows to humans…. they are more unbelieving than those who are non-believers! More discriminating, more prejudiced against others. How unloving and unchristian can they be?

Living in ivory towers to look after themselves and forget about the suffering world. Only caring about money and greedy as the next ‘sinner’, they do not love people or care about them, they love themselves and riches and are a blight on God’s name. For sham

An elder’s wife of a local church invited me there over the years. I said I heard they are against women speaking in the church or teaching. Well yes she said. I believe in women’s rights that they are allowed to speak I said, I have preached in churches I went to. You can come and help change things she suggested. No, I said, one thing I have learned is that you cannot change people in churches, they are too hard and refuse to change. Hard hearts that may be broken one day yet they remain ever the same judgemental, cold, hard and joyle

I loved this movie for the joy, power, love and acceptance, Mary Magdalene found in her relationship with Jesus, while he lived and after he died and lived again. She found joy and it was divine. She too had the right to believe, to speak and to be heard just like the men. She was empowered to be herself and to be free like all humans should be it is a basic right.

All the best

Anndrea x

 

 

 


10 Cloverfield lane / and overcoming evil bu standing up

Posted on July 30, 2018 at 6:15 AM Comments comments (0)
Described as not really being a not a good sequel to Cloverfield, delivers something good in photography and story even though yes a story line we have been familiar with yet this is different… it delivers exciting quick moving action without dragging the horror too far and Winstead is particularly apt at portraThe movie featuring John Goodman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead although criticized ying a girl rising up with inner strength and courage in this sci-fi thriller.

The craziness that John Goodman portrays so well especially in a game

 

me of words when he calls what should be ‘woman’ is it little girl, princess, child? When the other guy points to the young woman what is the word? Bringing raised eyebrows by both the guy and the girl being held here… is particularly amusing for confirming to the main girl heroine that this man is crazy if not borderline schizophrenic.

One of the main themes here is that the girl was already on the run from a romantic relationship or argument. People who have had trauma in some way or even in childhood with violence from a parent are already sensitive to threat. I know for myself that happened to me seeing violence in my home. I was always running away from the fighting in my house as a child. As a teenager if I got upset in a relationship, I would get in the car and drive, or walk out of the situation. Flight or fight, mine was definitely flight. If slighty hurt or insulted. I would fly away. If the guy upset me I walked away. Actually it was a good protection in a way. My brain was wired from childhood to get away from the threat. Since I lived with so much threat until I left home which brought instant relief but had other stresses. The problem is sometimes you can be running away when there is actually no threat, you just see a situation potentially as that and run from people who are not trying to hurt you at all.

 

when I look back. In most cases I was right to run. Sometimes I even wish I had listened to the flight instinct more. Sometimes I thought it was my own issue when you doubt your intuition because of emotional trauma you doubt what you feel and then you then accept things that are not right. There are many things to work through when you have been threatened in your life. Being able to trust someone is one of them or not.

 

However you can start running away from good things too such as invites from friend, a course you want to do but there is an anxiety or threat because of your lack of self belief. A job you wanted and were offered even but run away thinking you cannot do it and then through not doing it you can never prove to yourself that you had the ability when it was sitting there inside you all the time. Your anxiety in one area can prevent you from other areas of being free in your life, you need to take a step out and do what you want to do in just one thing, one little step and it will help you conquer and take the anxiety out of other areas in your life. You become stronger then step by step.

 

Sometimes desperation or need is the only thing that will push you out to do what you have the ability to do but denied it to yourself because you never felt good enough, you were afraid you didn’t have the ability when actually you did.

 

What I love about the girl in this story is that because of her childhood she knows that she must get out of here there is a strength that rises in her. She is learning to fight back and it is survival. Her escaping preparation is captivating and powerful and it is almost as if she can take on anything in the world now. She did not stay helpless she kept working it out. That is the most important thing in a person’s life is to not sink into helplessness, and become a passive victim but to keep working on solving the problem. You don’t settle for the trap or the problem. You sometimes need support and ideas from others, it helps your brain to become resilient and have hope, when you have a friend, as the girl in the story did draw this from the other guy who collaborated with her finally, in the movie in coping with the crazy man.

 

This girl rose to the occasion yes out of desperation…we are not rational at all human beings that would actually kill us because we would never do something if we rationally think I will lose so cannot do. If we think we have nothing to lose then we will step out and try…if we think we have something to lose we might not try (prospect theory). She felt it would be worse if she stayed and she had nothing more to lose …just more suffering…she got out…she made an effort…she did not stay passive…good on her… may you not give up when bad things happen to you but realize there is something worth fighting for - namely you…

Talking about schizophrenia….there is often talk of aliens by people with schizophrenia, they hear voices, or have delusions and hallucinations in some cases, but not all people who talk about aliens have schizophrenia of course. The crazy guy in the movie was crazy. On the other hand even crazy people know when a disaster has happened and so this movie twists and turns and keeps you guessing.

 

Not everyone is crazy who talks about end times either. Hollywood does its fair share of apocalypse stories which people love and also there can be that slight element of truth, crazy people and comfortable middle class people believe what they want to believe out of fear of change and wanting to feel secure. Others look at the world state and work it out for themselves what is right wrong or evil. Aside here, it was the middle class who welcomed Hitler's new politics and control and grand shows of music and soldiers, because he offered them escape from fear of losing their money (AN Wilson) but he gave them hell in return.

It is soul destroying to actually find a family member with the disorder since it takes over their whole personality in the end a bit like dementia and is heartbreaking for all concerned…

 

I once got a lift back home with a guy after a wedding I went to and he said he worked at a rehab but I didn’t realize he was actually a person getting the help at the rehab too because of his mental condition. I should have known when I met his mother and she asked me who I was and was so happy that I did not meet him where he worked. I realized something was wrong when he freaked over not knowing the way to drive somewhere and became very agitated. There is a disorder going on here I said to myself. I said to him you know the sister of the bridegroom has schizophrenia and was asking me if she should drink alcohol and I said no no no not with the medication you are on…later the guy said to me I have schizophrenia too at which I went into shock. Ohhh I didn’t go out with him again which I dont think he cared in any case since he appeared to be in his own world. There is no cure and there is no point in getting close with that kind mental situation.

Highly hereditary as a disorder…the pruning of the brain pathways that occur between 13 and 17 years old in adolescents, in the case of schizophrenic people many of the pathways which has been pruned do not all grow back, there is significant pathways loss missing that does not regrow. Behaviour starts showing up later. They can think people are out to get them so they will withdraw or attack the ones they think will attack them, paranoia can run high.

 

Not stigmatizing it but realizing they must get help you cannot just write off people who have a disorder they need medications and love especially if family, and at the same time you must protect yourself from becoming too stressed.

 

If they are a relationship you feel bad in you must make the escape or break permanently when that has to be. If there is abuse and violence from any person you are involved with, even if they have PTSD, you just get out regardless of how sorry you feel for them. Just like the girl in the movie she could have felt sorry for the bad guy, and in some ways she softened toward him she knew he was messed up, but she also knew if she stayed she would be destroyed there literally. She got out, she pulled herself together. It was right to go. It is survival to escape. Be the hero of your own life and one day you will be the hero for someone else who needs your hand, another survivor like you.

 

All the best

Anndrea x

 

 

10 Cloverfield Lane is a 2016 American science fiction thriller film directed by Dan Trachtenberg (in his directorial debut), written by Josh Campbell, Matthew Stucken and Damien Chazelle, and starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Goodman and John Gallagher, Jr. It is the second film in theCloverfield franchise. The film was developed from a script titled The Cellar, but under production by Bad Robot Productions, it was turned into a spiritual successor of the 2008 film Cloverfield.

 

 

 


the joy of Joy (storymovie) Woman standing up for herself and using her gift - remember who you are ...

Posted on July 28, 2018 at 9:25 PM Comments comments (0)
I went to see Joy at a movie theatre by the beach…I was just about to go for a swim when the life guards announced that there was a storm coming…rain, high winds and lightning…what??? So annoyed everyone when running to grab their kids and get off of the beach…just one swim…I went off to get dressed…

 

in the distance was the sight of the yachts sailing into the storm…the America’s cup race had started in Sydney today…cool I said watching them…little white sails shrouded in fog and clouds in front of them…the Sydney to Hobart run…and there were a lot of celebrities racing…Michael Clark…cricketer, and Kristie Hinze (amazing girl) for a start….

 

But why are they still sailing when there’s a storm? Will they be alright?…oh they are survivors, said a coffee shop waiter to me they’re used to it…hope so I said imagining them tossed by the waves and clinging on for dear life…people die in those races you know? They will be ok he said…

 

Ok?…. I read in the news the next day that a lot of the yachts crashed into each other before even leaving Sydney harbour or getting to the Heads out into the open sea...that the first chinese yacht to go in the race ever hit a London yacht and was out of the race I heard another yacht got tangled with a buoy and the crew had to strip down into under wear and dive off the boat to save themselves...all this in the beginning of the race...people already out of it... its good if you can finish your race and not be knocked out... I heard Kristie Hinze is still with yacht and michael clark on the Comanche and going on...good on her...

 

we need to finish our races we start...certainly a metaphor for life...things get tough or you might get knocked out but dont give up on the whole deal ...life can be like that...strengthen your resolve...

 

I couldn’t swim at Coogie Beach now with the life guards sending everyone away, so I went to the movies and found Joy was on…

Incredibly blown away was I by this movie…which captures so much of people especially young women like Joy (played by Jennifer Lawrence at her best at showing struggles, being knocked down and getting back up....toughness a young women needs in this life...)

who have a dream but not only that they are the kind of person who works hard and will help others so much that others will use them and exploit them if they can or just rely on her so much that she will lay aside her dreams to help them instead of herself she has forgotten....she feels buried like the cicada insects that are buried for 17 years....until the day they come to the surface of the earth to get out of their cases and fly...

 

Having a heart that can care and compassion in your character it is so easy to be used…

I related to Joy so much as if I was seeing my own life…you are doing your best and that’s not enough because doing your best to help everyone else’s demands can start to bring you down and make you frustrated….when you are not doing any of the dreams you have…

And then when you ask them for help ….like the little red hen (children’s book by Margot Zemech 1940s russian origin) who is so industrious (which my ex husband once said of me) no one will help you…after everything you have done for them it is taken for granted and expected..who will help me do this? The little red hen says…who will help me harvest the wheat? Not I they all said one by one as she asked each of her ‘friends’… Grind the flour? Not I they all said one after the other, Make the bread…not I they all said, until one day she has baked the bread…she asks who will help me eat it? I will ! they all said…of course...they wont help you when you are down just when you are up...not when there is work just when there are the benefits...

 

Joy has a mother who since divorcing is stuck on soaps… which like Dynasty etc they all have the big hair and big shoulder pads in their glamorous jackets and shining dresses and so melodramatic….speaking with bravado and intense emotion about nothing…

I remember my mother loved to watch these when I was a kid and I started watching the young and the restless at fourteen and left it far behind me when I left home at 16 years old to get my own life…I was young and restless too to get away from all the dramas in my own house but they were not pretty and dressed up like the ones on television… when my mother came to stay in Australia with us and my special needs son would hang around grandma all day and sit with her while she watched her soaps (in her 70s) and when she left he started watching them himself out of habit…how cute we said as my little five year old sat perched on the couch watching young and restless…

 

When my mother had been staying with us for that holiday I was driven to distraction by the noise of the soaps she watched on tv and when outside to study for my degree and get away from the noise…some things never change…I just wanted some peace and quiet…

 

"5 minutes peace" as they say in another children’s book about a family of elephants(Jill Murphy)…the mother just wants 5 minutes and that was what I was always doing…finding time to do my things in between their things…but it was fulfilling at the same time to be a mother I loved it….

 

in the children’s story her name is Mrs Large and she wants to have a bath and relax but they wont leave her alone and stand outside the bathroom door calling out until she gives up and they are all in the bathroom with her…typical…a very cute story…

 

Everything worked and flowed well with the other three children – time to myself…time with the girls…time with my husband…until our son came along and blew it all to pieces…not so perfect to stay home now…I needed time to myself even more….more bushwalks and rushing to the beach to be alone would have to increase…and they did…time by myself to think about my life and create and get ideas…and I did it to survive…glad I did…it really worked for me…getting out of the battle fray to rest and then back into it again…

IN the movie, Joy is helping everyone..her ungrateful father and selfish catty sister always having her bit to say to get at her….supporting her mother who seems to have gone into a numb state from her divorce…Joy is a great daughter …yet her mother is so useless to her at this point in time…just sitting there on her bed watching soaps…she can’t help it she is afraid and shocked from her life crises and breakup…one day the mother comes out of it…but it takes time she is lucky Joy is so patient…but it is getting too much for Joy now…

Many don’t care when others are down, and tell people to ‘snap out of it’ there is no such thing as snapping out of deep depression or grief…so why do that to people? It’s callous and wrong when compassion is what they need…and direction…gentle nudges in the right direction…

Yet it is all too much the carrying of everyone…Joy loves her mother and her father and her little daughter…but some decisions must be made…she cannot do it anymore…

Sometimes that has to happen…deciding not to take what others rely on you for all the time simply because you were kind or good enough to give them their need they then expect it all the time and will not return the same kindness or are too lazy to do anything else…they need to be brought into line too… she gets her ex-husband and her father to move out…no more doing everything people ask of her…she gets a plumber to fix up the mess of the pipes and water leaks caused by her mother’s thoughtlessness… Joy is a problem solver…but now she must help herself instead of all the ones around her…

And she starts to go after her own dream….she doesn’t forsake people she still has a heart…she has character that cares about others, and an intelligent mind that is quick when challenged…

Her ex-husband is a good friend to her despite it all…and would remain a help ….she goes after her dream…

She is put down by everyone when has things go wrong…her father gives her wrong business advice and then tells her that’s business when it fall apart instead of taking any responsibility or helping her at all….his new girlfriend is rich and hard toward Joy the older woman is also a hardened business woman with money…no heart…just herself which is all she cares about…also typical…

Through much adversity…Joy will prevail and it’s amazing and touching to see, like a modern day Jane Eyre who has suffered much and had much against her… pride and prejudice from her own family even…she will prevail in the end…after all the adversity..the lawyer says to Jane no one can hurt you anymore Miss Eyre…she will be ok…

Joy’s real friends stick with her and support her…my mother said real friends are the ones who stick with you through the hard times…the rest are not real… I think she was right…not many will do that…so I have discovered myself…these real friends are gold…and there is one who sticks closer than a brother…

Learning to fight is something we all need to do in life…fight for the things we believe in, for the project we feel we must bring to fruition despite what others say…even those closest to us can be negative…like Joy’s stepsister

Joy had someone who believed in her…her grandmother…thank God for women like her…she believed in her granddaughter will Joy’s own parents were too self centred to ever think anything of her except for someone to help them…I remember when I started university my daughters believed in me and supported me especially my middle daughter when I wanted to give up or thought I wasn’t good enough they would say things to spur me on…I needed that and they were the ones who kept me going…so glad for their words…words can help you go on or hinder you going on with your dreams…listen to the right ones

And listen to yourself…you can do your dreams…don’t stand in your own way…believe in yourself…you can do it…talk yourself through the hard negative dark times and keep on going…you will get there don’t give up…

All the best

Anndrea x

 


The seat of power? Wolves and sheep, and wolves dressed as sheep/ and christians not caring or becoming the soldiers they should be

Posted on July 28, 2018 at 9:15 PM Comments comments (0)
I was standing on the beach ready to jump in the waves and some kids came over to me, they were an aborigine family with extended cousins and brothers and sisters having a good time at the beach…we think we saw a shark they said…oh maybe I wont get in the water then…

I talked to their mum or aunty and she said yeah they saw something out there in the waves..it was quite close to shore…are there sharks here she said?

 

I’ve heard it’s a nesting place for sharks here I said…Coogie beach…but they aren’t a problem except you know sharks are hungrier now due to the pollution of the seas and less food for sharks...so they are even eating us...yep hungry sharks...and its sunset now and really we shouldn’t be swimming, because that is when they come out to eat…you know? Its their teatime not just ours…and I don’t want to be their tea I said but I just need a quick swim.… its ok the mother/aunty said maybe the boys imagined it…ok….I went off to swim but a little tentatively…. Then the little boys started shouting and pointing and I went over what? Is there a shark…? We thought there was they said but its just a dark rock…ok well there’s a surfie out there …maybe it would go for him before us do you think? Not that I wanted a surfie eaten their mother said they are just paranoid…but the point is there are often sharks near that beach…and helicopters come round to tell us to get out when necessary…paranoid or on guard?

 

Sometimes you have to be aware…hiding from the shark wont stop him..its ok I said to the little boys you just poke them in the eyes or punch them on their noses and they will let go (if you still have something to punch with I guess) the little boys looked at me with wide eyes I guess I just made it worse. If they cried shark too many times soon we wouldn’t listen…and become immune to it…and then what if a shark did actually come?

 

Like the boy who cried wolf and nobody listened…

Maybe there was a wolf that he imagined ..the little boy…and then there was a real wolf…but he mucked around so much that those he cried wolf to stopped listening almost like he had conditioned them to stop listening and accept there was a wolf and it didn’t matter…but it ate him in the end…no one came when he cried out…they believed it didn’t exist….or if it did it wouldn’t hurt him or them…because of all his crying out…maybe that’s what the world media does too…say it enough and let the people get used to it…hidden agendas, hidden power games…who do we believe? We the people of the world…..who do we listen to when politicians are part of the games and agendas?

 

and there are wolves now…who are the wolves now? Many dress as sheep…but are wolves on the inside….

we need to watch and pray and it is time for the real heroes to rise up and do whatever your purpose is on this earth whether a soldier in an army or a person who fights for human rights and the weak who need our help a different kind of soldiers…it is still fighting…fighting hard and long..….

whatever it is you must do it with all your heart…now while you can…who knows you could be saving someone you didn’t know needed your help… he is being carried off by a strong rip in the waves or a predator hidden by the waves lying in wait… and you could be the one to save him…the only one who was able to at the time…

It was with great surprise I saw the article in the Daily Telegraph this weekend talking about the hero father who went and got his son back after his son ran off to and then was was held captive by radical religious armies…I heard about him last year…the James bond of Europe they say over there…he is a brave and loving father from Belgium previously a decorated soldier…he suffered as he went out to find his son and bring him back…probably traumatised he however continues to help bring youths back to parents searching seeking to get them home…hero that he is…

now there is a boy from Sydney (among quite a few) who ran off down the yellow brick road to the violent wizards of the east mesmerised and tricked into believing he was doing right and good when in fact it was violence and darkness now this boy who needs to be brought home who cannot get out…once they realize how bad evil it is…many wish to return but cannot …

this is tragedy to lose your children this way…and we never knew this would happen…oh no..especially not in the west….but enemies have infiltrated now and it is too late to turn back time…no matter how much you wish…while the west chased money and success and partied and got drunk like there was no tomorrow and parents were too busy working making more and more income, too busy to teach their children any values or life lessons or even get to know their children..….there were those plotting against their downfall…

now we must realize these times are indeed perilous times, we have to protect our children our little ones and our youth…by pulling them close and keeping them close with love and a decent relationship…relationships protect….strengthen…in bonds of love…there is strength…and power to stand…

 

Those Christians who nestled in their middle class values…indeed even those who were not christians….who thought all you need is a good education, a job, and a house and a car to be successful and happy in life…have found that youth suicide instead soared on these values….those with such values cannot expect that it will save them now…real faith is needed…real hope…and real authentic love…if not for others at least for your own children…not controlling selfish agendas but self-sacrificing love… true love…don’t we all look for that? Why not give it to your children…your youth…and friends and even those outside the ‘click’ you have indulged in for so long…

we can no longer live on shallow values or we will perish from the fear alone…of what is happening in the world and we also no longer put out a pseudo Christian existence…it must be real…and you must know your God intimately because it is about to be tested beyond what you have known before…

The watchmen in ancient days were set in towers to tell people of the approach of the enemy and to be ready to fight..Lest they suddenly be invaded and destroyed….we must be praying and watching…not mind dead from tv and shopping or drinking alcohol…actually keeping spiritually alert…as evil stalks our lands…we must rise up on the inside to fight…there is a sword of righteousness…to cut through the darkness that falls…

 

The seat of power lies with the divine…and he rules with a sceptre that men cannot defeat no matter what they plot…we must ally ourselves with the seat of power …the lion..the king holds…

Unless the Lord watches over the city..the watchmen stand guard in vain we need to watch and pray…(psalm 127)….rising up early and staying up late to make the big money gains…can kill you in the end too…toiling …slaving until you get sick…we are easy for the enemy to destroy because we have no spiritual resources or strength left having spent all our energy to attain more and more income….is not always lucrative emotionally or physically…

 

priorities need to be made and relationships need to be made top of the list instead of not there at all in some cases… reaching out with empathy…will cause you to be resilient and better than the others….who are selfish…and narcissistic…

There is still a need to watch and pray…finding a quote recently from the new book by the writer of to kill a mockingbird…..she quotes the preacher (isaiah 21 text)

 

‘Go, set a watchman and have him report what he sees…when he sees chariots with teams or horses, riders on donkeys, or riders on camels,

let him be alert, fully alert…

and the lookout shouted…’day after day, my lord, I stand on the watchtower; every night I stay at my post…’

 

Are you staying at your post are you keeping alert? Praying? You don’t know who you are protecting whether the little ones around you or someone in a far land…you need to pray…and be locked into the seat of power and source of true security… Be strong…for he is with you…be a good soldier…power to you…and grace to stand…doing whatever it is you are called to do…

All the best

Anndrea x

(psalm 2 authorship ascribed to David)

Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain?

The kings of the earth take their stand

And the rulers gather together….against the Lord…

The one enthroned in heaven

Laughs

The Lord scoffs at them

Then he rebukes them in his anger

And terrifies them in his wrath saying

 

I have installed my king….

 

 

 

 


Heart of the Sea (chris hemsworth movie) - the nature bites us back...humans need to be careful with their planet

Posted on July 28, 2018 at 9:05 PM Comments comments (0)
I grew up by the sea….and often spent time with my father by the beach…he would go white-baiting and I would go too and swim while he was fishing…even when I was a teenager I would still go with him to the beach…or walk to the closest one myself …

 

So I always grew up with the sea nearby

 

When I got married we built a house overlooking the port…it was a pole house (built on poles rather than foundations) and used to move when the wind blew…which scared me sometimes I used to have dreams the whole house slid down the hill and we got sucked out of it…it was just a dream but so real…

 

In reality you could actually feel the power of the wind hitting the house…the windows would move in and out…when we moved away to another house on the ‘ground’ I felt more secure… the house still stands however I saw it when I went back to new Zealand recently…it withstood the forces of nature for sure the earthquakes in 2012 that took all the other houses down did not take ours which stood on the hillside of Lyttelton where the epicentre of the quake was….alot of the churches fell down in Christchurch big mammoth cathedrals….crumbled….nature is bigger than we are….

Watching this new moby dick type movie out based on a true story this time... you see men combating the forces of nature…fighting against the storms and even fighting the whale that seems to have it in for them

The sea is a mighty force… it brings us the sense of vastness and strength of nature…it shows power that is greater than tiny man who is but a speck in nature?

yet man will try to tame it, subdue it, bring it under his control...as if man is a god he will find he is not ( man's commission as spoken by the new captain of the boat Essex in the movie...talking to his first officer...lovely Chris Helmsworth)...but can you tame the earth...is she too big for us to handle....? we dont even know her or him or whatever...they say mother earth the new age name...Is this just another ploy of power by man master each other, women animals and the planet?..he tries to control it and the earth laughs at him...

My father nearly died when he was working on a brand new ferry that carried over 500 passengers....a cyclone took hold of the boat as it sailed into cook straits in 1969 and threw onto the reef where gouged by the rocks it started to sink....the brand new ship was destroyed in one night like the titanic men women and children lost their lives

the captain faced an inquest later for why he took the boat into the harbour in the middle of the storm knowing the dangerous reef was there...wrong decisions...in the middle of stress bring consequences...my father survived and swam to shore and saw the bodies lying there..the worst NZ maritime disaster ever....I watched the boat Wahine on tv I was just a little girl and I prayed my father wouldnt die...I hoped against hope someone would hear me....someone I didnt yet know....the storm was so great it tore down the east side of NZ and blew the roofs off houses in our port...the lighthouse was hidden in the darkness of the storm....I remember being sent home from school anxious where my brother was..but he reached home before me as the winds were whipping up...why didnt you tell me where you were?? I freaked out...worried about my younger brother he just shrugged his shoulders... we were safe and huddled in our house against the hill while my father was fighting the waves in the darkness with others who would not survive...

 

the earth has mysteries as yet untapped and though tries to master it.... is untameable and bigger than any of us....no amount of money prestige or power will make man master the earth and in the end his time will be over on earth...he is mortal and that is that...he doesnt know what he is playing with...but he will find out one day...

 

some try to tamper with the earth...nuclear testing... industrialization has its day and nearly destroys man in the process....and as a result wrecks nature and all its patterns man pushing the planet out of balance with his efforts…unless he discovers and researches it properly before he does the damage…too late we have the effects of industrialisation and plastic bags hurting the earth….man thinks he is so clever and has become a fool with it….

 

the food we loved so much because we cleverly processed it is killing us at the same time heart attacks and cancer from too much ‘processed’ food…who knew?

If we hurt the sea we hurt ourselves… the sea doesn’t so much retaliate….but as in nature if we hurt our world it starts to hurt us in that it goes into dysfunction because its balance has been thrown out by man…and we need our environment because it lets man live and survive and thrive….if he looks after it…

 

As a young mother I was always taking my kids to the beach whenever I felt stressed I would start to feel better after swimming or lying in the sand for a while watching them play feeling the wind on their faces, fossicking in the sand…looking in rock pools….a sense of peace would sweep over me…this is so great I would think…the negative ions the scientist say are present in the crashing of waves and sea air…like that of the waterfalls….make us feel good… we are part of this world...we connect with it...we need it....

 

the power of the sea if always a metaphor for storms in life…. and a metaphor for mankind’s fear…like tumultuous sea that needs calming….as the world goes into turmoil with events seen as apocalyptic…nations in uproar and rise up against each other...fighting for the seat of power...

 

The movie Heart of the sea shows the exploitation by men of the whales and animals of the sea….they need whale oil for lamps for light…so they are hunting and killing thousands of whales…they don’t care…they need the source of power for human’s light, it is energy one again…like the oil countries kill for or the money behind the oil…

 

And so we consume everything around us to get what we need with little regard for the creatures we kill to get there…

The dark side of human nature…the greed or love of money starts to over take any care or concern for nature….environmental harm takes place(White 2011 Environmental victims)…wars destroy the lands…hurting our world as well as ourselves… new crime laws have come out as crimes against environment…the earth has some rights now….unfortunately human rights and environmental rights are cast aside if money is the main aim in men’s hearts….to the point of evil….we must not let man’s greed rise and win and hurt those who have no one to fight for them…the poor, the weak, the ones with disability….the children…the women…the developing nations…we must help each other… and our own world…

 

The thing is if you don’t care about your environment it comes back on you eventually and of course you reap what you sow…

With regard to the whale in the movie.. he didn’t like being speared (who would?) so he came at them to get them…I have heard of sharks upturning canoes and small boats to get the meal that is sitting inside they are predators after all…they need to live too…The two main men in the whale movie are vying against each other for power in the situation…hunting whales for oil that’s all they care about....but things will change...hard times affect priorities....

these two power game men however after nearly dying and ending up on a desert island suddenly see, that there is something more in life then getting oil and making money… namely their own lives…they need them back they nearly lost them…their perspective is changed…their character altered…from realizing they are mortals who could die tomorrow…some people have to learn the hard way...or they remain blind to the reality of what is truly important in life...

 

I was listening to a talk last year by a marine biologist lecturer at a university, the shells of hermit crabs are less strong now due to lack of calcium in the sea the shells have more holes in them and give the crabs less protection…

There is a hermit crab shell shortage…housing shortage for the hermit crabs! They have less shells available for them now they are in crisis (Dermeray 2004 Cabinet Mag.issue 13).due possibly to pollution also…how sad….

 

I saw on a nature show once how the crabs line themselves up in order of size and pass their shells down to each other and change shells…it was so cute and incredible to watch as they would do it all at the same time in line and order of size big to little!….amazingly they grow out of their shells and then pass them on to each other as they get bigger…they make their whole lives about this finding new shells for their ‘houses’ albeit mobile homes…

Kind of like nature’s recycling pattern…nothing wasted…

 

How awful seeing the little hermit crabs living in bottle tops now…so much for man…can he not even look after the garden of Eden he has been given in this life? The things man makes to make his life better are not always the right things and can bring his own downfall…like gold lust…his greed gets the better of him and he morphs into a creature similar in spirit to the one out of Lord of the rings…trying to get more of his ‘precious’ ring..he becomes ugly to look at or know.

 

The earth is a gift albeit one that comes with responsibility to look after it and treasure it rather than exploit and use it...or lose it….it is most precious of all and those people we have in our lives to love....precious beyond gold and jewels...

 

All the best

Anndrea x

 

 


Power vs Love in relationships -the need for freemdom... power games destroying love...

Posted on July 28, 2018 at 8:25 PM Comments comments (0)
Everybodys free to feel good the song by rosella…yes we want that….everybodys free or are they?

In order to have our human rights we must be free

Free to love free to be happy to live to choose who we want to be to work to make money in order to live….to have children ….to sing …to dance…to write….to paint…

Everybodys free to feel good….

If you are free to feel good and then you indeed are free….

Other forces would try to make you feel bad…to make you think you are never allowed to be happy

Like abused children think of themselves as unworthy right into their adult lives

They think they are not allowed to be happy ever or are not worthy of happiness when in fact they are so worthy and are precious and are allowed to be happy just like all human beings…unless someone has tried to stop you… selfish persons who want control so that they can be happy at your expense, or rich or powerful….these are where the power games lie…… 

Feeling good is not about self-gratification it is deeper than that being allowed to be yourself...and valued for it...

Looking at relationships there has been noted the presence of power in all of relations including organizations such as schools, workplaces and governments….(Lynch on Foucault 1998 ‘is power all there is?)...Authentic love has no need to play games only inauthentic love...its not real...or it has stopped.... What Lynch notes is that it is possible to change that power situation...he does not say how....but I would hypothesize that only loveistheway you can change it....where one or both individuals lay down their rights for each other in order for love to flourish...not a one off situation, power is constantly being struggled with or vied for...

After my husband left and the obvious reaction he had to my desire to go and study I wondered what was going on…why did it matter? That I should want to study... But there was a power game I didn’t realize he was playing….silly me at the young age of 18, I thought we married for love…indeed there was more to it than that…he needed to feed his narcissistic nature by having what looked good for him and being married with kids was one of those things…and having control over someone else who would do what he said….meet all his needs…he could have however grown out of such ego type attitudes but he did not wish to...

How sad…how naïve of me….and power relations as Foucault asserts are present in all social relations

How so? The potential for power games are present particularly between men and women and between parents and children…yet they are entwined and enforced by whether an individual decides to take up a power role and push for their right to that power or to lay it down…and how deep their love is...if there is love at all...

We all have the right to happiness, to human rights…we all have the right to love to freedom to develop as human beings

As written in human rights charter…by the united nations

And we see that human rights has to do with equality….if a woman is equal to a man then she has the right to the same human rights as he…of course we take it for granted yet for so many it is not the way…women are dealt a bad hand…even in religious Christian circles or even more there

They take it on too and learn to be passive and told what to do….we are not in the 18 century now are we? There is security in the cage….and girls are taught to be ‘nice’ never pushing for your power as an individual being…boys are taught to take what they want…not much has changed in that area….however in the west girls have more choices but whether they take them or not is another matter….many young girls and even women still pander to pleasing a boy as the answer to their ‘happiness’ but there are other ways to find your purpose in life and your joy for living…not only in finding ‘the man’ but finding the deeper plan for you

From the christian angle….new testament teaching says that there is neither male nor female, nor greek nor jew in christ…might I say neither rich nor poor in short there are no differences in Christ…we are equal there is equality no difference….

For mankind this is the model that we should attain to that works…equality between all not looking down on anyone else for having difference in gender, race, or socio economic standing….a model ideal and yet hard to achieve...without the selflessness to do so...pride and prejudice often stands in the way...

the power play….

A person chooses to take up the power game or to lay it down…if they are extremely narcissistic they will never lay it down unless they are broken by life and wonder where they went wrong…

The parent who was so hard toward their son or daughter they lost them….the man who would not change for the woman he loved but continued to berate her into submission…

Power is balanced by love which changes it or is squashed by the need for power and control….otherwise it tempers the power game to no longer be a game but authentic love…

The christians maintain a woman must submit to a husband…but they do not emphasize he must love her as much as he loves himself (which is mammoth proportions) and lay his life down for her…just as Christ laid down his life for the church…oh no they don’t mention that as much its all about what the woman must do…

And if a man continues to assert his power he will crush his woman unless she rises up and liberates herself…she must walk away if necessary to preserve herself and survive mentally emotionally even physically to protect herself and her children where there has been bad abuse….of course many women do not because they do not love themselves enough and have deep complex childhood needs and are afraid to step out... or have had their confidence so belittled they cannot walk away...

Those who push their right to power lose the love and in destroying relationships and others finally destroy themselves…

If we love we will gain…..by losing our rights to power…or balancing that power you naturally have….with love we will gain someone else’s love…and by caring for them and nurturing them…we will see the love grow

In proverbs it notes that the foolish woman tears down her house with her own hands….she destroys her own family by pitting members against each other to get what she wants…

So control and power is all about getting what you want

To the detriment of others if necessary…

We need have love…to give it and receive it

Similiar to what Christ did…he laid down his rights as the son of God and didn’t grasp for the power of the throne that was his…he knew he had it anyway

If you know you have the power you do not need to put down others….

I recoiled at the anger of my mother recently (pacific island mother) because I did not do exactly what she wanted… brushing away my tears as I drove away the car from her house…I thought why does it always have to be like this?

I married someone she didn’t want me to marry, I didn’t live where she wanted me to live, I went to Australia because my husband was from there and she was angry

My mother stopped dyeing her hair as a sign of mourning for me taking away grand children and it turned white which shocked you when you walked in the room…the intended affect…

She was jealous when I was happy and insulted me when I sang to an audience, or sang with my daughter…Im only here for her she would say not for you. She was angry when I divorced not just because he left me with the kids, but she got jealous of my liberty…my sudden freedom I never asked for…

.. . again angry because I went to movies, or went away on trips to help myself get over everything…always angry always jealous because I got on so well with my own daughters or because I wouldn’t stay with her or did stay with her…but always ended up in tears….

   People oftenJealous of anything good for me but not jealous of my special needs son I had to look after or the hardships I went through

Every time she got jealous or angry it drove another wedge between us a bit more….I wanted to love her and care about her

Im lonely she said when dad went into the old people’s home if only you were nice to me I thought to myself it would be easier to be with you…and when she said send your middle daughter to live with me…. I replied go and live with your sister or come to Australia and live with me .....

No she said

Ohh so I must do all you want and sacrifice my life for you….

I recoiled

All my life I had been doing it…pleasing…. 

Escaping a traumatic childhood to marry a husband I tried to please and finding security there it was ok to go along with everything….but in the end needing to grow I had to step out of the cage….pleasing my children… I must stop that ‘pleasing’ thing and find a new path I realized….

I needed myself back again…..where did I ever get being a virtuous woman? I would think when I looked back while still married….

No happiness now just being controlled was the feeling though subtle…

Similarly, When people or political leaders or religions seek to control others

It is for power…power to do what they want

Power to give them all their narcissistic glory and desires….they crush others they have no heart no feeling

They become monsters with no empathy

Psychotic with a cause and they will die that way

Darkness seems to thrive on those who seek power

And power is in the east and west of the world in different proportions for different agendas

Light and darkness

Does not rest just on certain organizations

But individuals in them with varying degrees of power play are in darkness or light

And how will you know who is right?

If there is love and care for others…you know that is there the light and goodness, it is right fruit....

If there is lust for power, hidden or seen and hatred, destruction of human beings and cruelty you know that is the darkness…regardless of which country, government or religion..

Noting that the love of money is the root cause of all evil….even the west has its darkness lying in the guise of democracy yet subtle controls and power play is raising its ugly head….even in the everyday religions or radical….that which lusts for power is the monster we must rid ourselves of and not bow the knee under any circumstances…regardless of the firey furnace or the lions’ den as previous men of faith have endured in ancient times at the hands of those who governed by making themselves gods. There are always gods…you must choose who you are with….and by not choosing you already have….yet there is someone who loves you truly…deeply…eternally… 

I saw Kees Bruin’s painting recently while in Christchurch New Zealand it is called ‘Bride of great price’ meaning the bride of Christ…or you could take it that having a bride and wedding costs the man a lot but he is willing to pay the price (maybe not so many men are now) I remember Kees from when I was a young person previously atheist I became a christian was just 17 .... I was in the local youth group and he was in another one and I would see him from a distance I didnt get to know him but I heard he was a painter artist.....now years later amazing to hear about him again

…..his art is original and seems to have many messages tied into the one theme....I went to the art gallery to see his work....the painting 'Bride of great price' is thrilling I loved it….she the bride is floating in the air….it seems to play on the other scripture words ‘pearl of great price’ if you love something enough you will pay for it… he (God) paid the price for all of us he definitely thought we were worth it…it was a high price, the blood of his son….but he was willing…. I am glad someone thought I was worth it….I can feel the depth of his love… 

Kees Bruin painting

All the best

Anndrea x

See my father with dementia - back in New Zealand...the last time I saw him...

Posted on July 28, 2018 at 8:25 PM Comments comments (0)
On my way to catch a plane to nz I decided to cut my sons hair after convincing my daughter to ask her boyfriend to give me a lift to the train station….she finally did it when I reminded her I might be his mother in law one day..why not do something nice for me? Oh she said…yep never thought of that….she finally called him

 

While waiting I started cutting my son’s hair as he needed it but was fighting it so I gave him my mobile phone to play with so he wouldn’t fight the haircut (he is special needs) …but still fighting it I said right forget the phone and threw it on the couch…I looked up at the clock and saw the train was leaving soon…oh no Im going to miss the train…I ran and got my suitcase…just when the daughter’s boyfriend turned up…

 

Once at the station sitting next to some teenage boys I said oh no lost the train ticket uhhh? The said…can you watch my bags while I find the train ticket I said…sure…they said…

 

I walked along and found the ticket on me…ohh here it is

 

The boys helped me with my bags onto the train and sitting behind them I realized no phone…omg omg please not that

 

Oh no I said to the boys Ive lost my phone….I rummaged and looked like I always did…did you find your phone? The boys said…

 

No I answered

 

Why does your mother do this too…? Lose things and find them…yes they said always

 

Well actually I have left my phone behind cant believe it…no photos…no calls and put it on roaming

 

That’s a shame said the boys….bemusedly you really did leave your phone behind?…well I was cutting my sons hair I said…

 

You mean cutting his hair just before you catch a train to the airport? Said one of the boys….why? his eyes said….I imagined he was thinking crazy typical woman….

 

Yes I let him play with the phone

 

But guess what my car keys are still on me….why do I have to take car keys to New Zealand for a car in Australia?….this is nuts….last time my cousin in NZ lent me his car I took the keys to Australia and had to post them back to him no wonder he doesn’t lend the car anymore…my oldest daughter said I was like an absentminded professor a lot of times….but usually Im really on the ball….kind of…too many things on my mind…

 

With my father on my wedding day at 18yearsold

Buying fish and chips in NZ always must do...on the beach...seagulls were following me trailing me as I walked along the beach with a head wind against me on the sand and the birds were flying above me and around me echoes of 'the birds' by Hitchcock! were they really trying to get me or the food?? well ...bothering me so much, I was getting angry... what they really wanted was the fish or the chips...get! I said get away! annoyed due to the recent altercation with seagulls on Circular quay in Sydney where they stole my fish off the plate...I decided I would not let this happen here at the beach in New Zealand....I defiantly ate the fish and chips with the seagulls milling around me and refused to give them one...back on a wooden bench by the beach I wrapped the chips up and finished and put them in my bag...You naughty seagulls I said don't you ever touch my food again!! Go away Im very angry with you....they looked around not sure what to do or where to go...but started playing and fiddling with the sticks and dirt and plants on the ground around me looking as if they were not trying to get my food not sure where to look they looked away...I could hardly believe such a funny sight...they were embarrassed that I had accused them of trying to take my food...I decided...and that was hilariously funny to me...I laughed and said naughty birds...goodbye now

I went off to the car giggling

and told my friend later guess what your seagulls were embarrassed here...not like the aggressive ones in Sydney who couldn't give a damn...they were actually embarrassed they didn't know where to look...how funny...that would make a good cartoon said one friend who is arty....well said another maybe they were just not used to being put in their place...you mean told off ? I said...yeah...not used to being scolded...

I said maybe your seagulls are nicer and politer and the ones in Sydney have no manners...

its possible...maybe that's evolution or adaption to careless greedy humans who consume much they have little regard for nature and the birds are copying....who knows....

 

 

In New Zealand on the one hot day there was, suddenly the beach car parks filled up with surfies as they ran to catch the surf….driving along in sumner beach (Christchurch) everybody on the road seemed to be stripping and taking off clothes and putting on wetsuits…all exciting…what a change to the days before when it was freezing and deserted…yep I said only 25 degrees celsius and its hot here…but in Sydney its 40 degrees C today, thank God Im not there!

 

I jumped in the water and it was still freezing….couldnt really get right in…

 

Memories came back to me of swimming here and meeting friends here with our little babies and kids talking relaxing….feeling so good ….resting with your kids ….is underrated but its needed….

 

How do you build a relationship if you don’t take time….? Resting with your kids hugging them smiling at them…talking to them…it all brings childhood development…and loving them best of all….works hands down….when you need to instruct …correct…you can do it..and they will learn to listen…if you talk to them about life…not just orders…but conversation even divulging your own life…the good things from your childhood the hard times you came through…builds a child’s resilience as they listen to you…

 

I always ran to the beach with my kids after a hard day…. when I was stressed or we all needed a break…my husband also came ….to relax... but it was more me…he often said he would buy me a house by the sea…but it was another one of those promises…

 

I was 18 years old when I got married I found the old photos the other day some in particularly of me walking in the park with my father in my wedding dress…toward the altar….precious photos of our relationship… I decided would take them to show my father….turning up at the dementia home to see him...I catching a plane flying to nz walked in and found he was sleeping..they said he always slept…I felt it was depression as if no one cares…maybe because no one really did….although part of dementia condition…I didn’t want him depressed as well..

 

I said hi dad and only stayed a short time…it was relatively painful and sad to see dad going like this…at the same time I was glad to see him while he recognized me…

 

I told the nurses and manager of the old peoples’ home…you know if they do exercise it generates and births new neurons in their brain?…perhaps they could develop new pathways and skills then and reverse this dementia….? There is new research…however we have always known that if a person exercises and enriches their life with new learning that the neuro-genesis can occur…

 

We start to bud new neurons in our brain…give birth as it were to new baby brain cells…this principle is a factor in disability children…why they are given early intervention..you can push them onto the next stage of development by working with them…teaching them…not giving up because they are ‘backward’ or ‘developmentally delayed’ enriching their brain with exercise..any kind will help new neurons birth and the existing ones to branch out and grow into new pathways (Cozolino 2010)

 

Incredibly… this gives hope to special needs kids…and anyone really…the brain has plasticity and is able to change…even if you have had a bad time as a child…and trauma…

 

Research shows neglect or abuse even emotionally can affect a child cognitively putting them on aback foot with school work yet even after that if they are given learning and work hard they can overcome an cognitive problems…eventually….humans are made to develop and grow…

 

In fact part of the human rights charter…is the right for all humans (including women and children) to be able to grow and develop….to never be held back…not by family not by friends, not by religious laws or governmental law as… we all have a need and a right grow…no matter who we are…

 

We are not meant to stay in a cage we were meant for the freedom to grow and to fly….to soar and be ourselves… human beings need freedom in order to grow….

 

A person is depressed when they cannot grow due to circumstances…or the effects of others treatment and words on them particularly their parents or those close to them….depression is when the brain goes into non growth mode and has frozen itself…through chemicals flooding it when we are in trauma or great stress…some lose their memory when they have experienced a lot of stress at once or it is so great they cannot cope with non one supporting them….or there has been trauma in their younger years which gets retriggered by new losses and trauma…

 

In all these things it is love that brings us through…but the brain is plastic and it can change for the good no matter how bad the past has been… love and value or validation as a person is a key to our development….

 

I told the nurses Im worried my father has something his ear…is that a melanoma, and he cannot see the photos I show him…the manager got back to me…his ear is a vascular condition and he has cataracts and will be having an operation in new year…thanks I said I needed to know they were doing their job and looking after him… phoning from Australia and sending presents….I needed the contact…

 

The last day I spent with dad I walked in the door and saw him rushing down the hall way…dad I said who are you looking for…?he came up to me wide-eyed…I was looking for you he said…it was you…

 

Ohhh I was touched….like our bond was there…he came looking for me after I haven’t been to nz for six months and the day I turn up…he is looking for me… that’s attachment….in its essence

 

I remembered…he was working as a motorman, on the Wahine liner that sank one stormy night outside wellington in NZ I think 1968….I prayed for him…please don’t let my father die I said to God…I didn’t know him just thought Id give it a shot… 500 people died…my father came home…

 

I was just a little girl…it was important to me..my father…bad as he was…the attachment was still there

 

Similarly when my first daughter was born and put in the nursery in the hospital I woke up suddenly in the night and started to go toward the nursery suddenly needing to see my baby the nurse came up to me…that’s funny she said your baby just woke up…I was coming to get you…good timing…the bond was there…already…you just have to nurture it…and accept it…

 

Sitting at the table with my father some other oldies came over and both had trouble trying to get into their chairs…I helped them…it was amusing…the lady was dressed up with a lovely hat and looked well to do and I imagined was great as a mother before the dementia would have struck…

 

She kept saying and this is that and that was nice…and so yes that was nice… sentences she must have used before… in her life…she didn’t finish her sentences…the man next to her uttered stuff I couldn’t decipher… oh youre a good boy she said to my Dad (always popular with the ladies it was still happening in this hospital /home..)

 

My father looked at me and smiled and raised his eyebrows as if to say…these people are crazy…oh dear…why am I here? I giggled Dad knew it even with dementia…

 

Dad I said when I come back again I will take you out to the beach…in the car…he used to take me to the beach all the time when I was a little girl…now I would do it for him it may release something in his brain… they said he wasn’t eating before I got there…I gave him some caramello chocolate and he ate two lines…and then I dropped off some hokey pokey chocolate..…only I knew they were his favourite…because of our time when I was alittle girl…all the times I was out with him…or sitting with him listening to him talk…tell me all his stuff …all his theories….about mankind…

 

They said he was eating more now… they said he went on a bus outing miraculously when he never would before…

 

He needed contact with someone from his life…someone he had a history with…to make him feel better…emotional connection and love is way underestimated but none of us can live without it

 

We need to stand together…yes the world is changing…life may get harder...maybe darkness is coming or upon this world...you cannot stand alone....family relationships if built with love..hold us in the darkness...like a light....without good relationships we have less strength....even with friends good connections are needed...with those who care and validate your existence...not building yourself on transient material things or capital...its not enough....it will not hold you when the winds of change blow...you need something more...

 

..if you stand together and make those connections or keep those ones you have and nurture and value each other…you actually will stand better than without them…love crosses time and space and even brain disorders…and reaches to the person within… the power of love is deeper and greater than any of us realize…we are not machines who just breakdown…we are human beings and we need love to flourish and grow stronger as people and to hold us when crisis comes we need love…albeit a deeper kind of love....…

 

 

All the best

 

Anndrea x

planet earth....man is more disconnected through global connection less personal connections and real world friendships

Posted on July 21, 2018 at 9:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Français/French Deutsch/German Italiano/Italian Português/Portuguese Español/Spanish 日本語/Japanese 한국어/Korean 中文(简体)/Chinese Simplified
...Why is it when man crying out on planet earth for connection and intimacy, his deepest need, the cry of the human heart…he instead makes things that keep him more distant from others…from those he loves or wants to love...

 

Man feels so alone on planet earth….isolated....he wants to connect with whoever is ‘out there’ he feels tiny and lost on this big planet….in this neverending universe…part of another galaxy…he searches for signs of ‘other’ life. The planet earth is spinning, spinning, and man is feeling small and insignificant….he reaches out to whoever there might be….

 

He makes technology to keep ‘connected’ to others on earth, but it is distant and virtual, and the love is not always real but rather a script of things to say because society is saying them…he removes the individual and real person and the real love or thing and makes it distant replacing it with a fake thing….it never satisfies….

Perhaps then God is watching us from a distance…watching all we go through, he is longing to reach out to the ones he created….we are lost and alone without him…we seek to know is anybody out there….if we reach out he will reach out to us….but it is spiritual it cannot be known as a material thing…we reach to material things to take away the emptiness…when only real love and connection can…we want to connect to the other the creator, the Father, who seems distant yet is always available,

 

omniscient…all knowing He knows our beginning and our end…our life is laid bare before him..like an open book….omnipresent…everywhere all around us no matter where we go…..omnipotent…all powerful…creating the universes and all there is that exists….

Incredibly comforting to know the one who is all this…no one can know him for us…we must know him for ourselves otherwise it is all just hearsay...

 

Likewise our relationships around us…cannot be known without personal time and experience in the actual ‘presence’ of the other…not through a screen or texts…an inanimate object but right in front of you…

 

Our young crave the same thing from us the real thing….the real me reaching out to the real you…they crave our presence interest and authentic love…and they are transformed and backed up by it to face whatever life brings….(Cozolino 2010)....even babies brains have over 900 genes switched on positively by a mother's smile....they start to reflect what is given to them in real life...not by a virtual screen...a fake smile will not do the same....

Amazingly the new movie for children has managed to bring psychological teaching to their little minds..The Inside Out....I watched it the other day....how to run their little minds emotions...

 

Knowing our emotions, letting them out. Hoping it isnot just a part of the middle-class parent's quest is pandered to, to find shortcuts to make their lives easier, and their child/teen more resilient to the selfish things parents might do, or to having to put up with changes themselves without parents have to work it out with them.

 

In the 1980s and 90s give the kid quality time….(just five minutes a day lets squeeze that in) doesnt matter about the quantity…yeah sure…you need quantity….impossible to give quality without quantity

And 2000s see the rise of new disease of behaviour disorders, some socially caused or invented to accommodate those who do not want to put the time in….or kids affected by our toxic environment e.g. plastics....children now born with problems with attention ADHD and ADD with the drug to help –Ritalin….

and the brain disorder now in crisis proportions autism and Aspergers….this generation is also adversely affected by computer games, and internet that keep the little darlings entertained. Must be entertained.

Not taught

Not spent time with

Not disciplined or given values and stories of parents own childhoods

Just entertained, dressed , fed and kept happy and out of trouble, they hope….

And now let’s teach them about emotions, everyone knows if you label emotions and say how you feel it all makes you better and resilient….

We must give them the tools to cope….because mummy and daddy want them to do it on their own…then it won’t matter if mummy has no time to help you through your problems, hey you can do it yourself now

DIY

Get through your trauma on your own…then we don’t have to feel guilt that our child is not coping or worse that there was something we did not give them…namely ourselves…we are not neglectful parents we gave them everything…

 

But as with every relationship on this planet….if you give someone things but not yourself…they will feel short-changed and on a back foot. That you do not really love -them….you have just scheduled them in…they are just part of another event or activity….

We have succeeded in making ourselves distant to our children too, when the very thing we crave lies in spending time with them…getting to know that person…it is the very thing they also crave....contact...human contact... We know of course the negative effects if children and babies are not touched or talked to the mortality rate is high (Spitz 1945 research and Bowlby 1951- maternal care and mental health WHO report) and FrederickII awful experiment to see what would happen if babies had no touch or speech given to them. Depressed babies do not cry. They have given up through lack of contact they know no one will come if they cry....similarly today many youth give up because they think no one cares...please dont give up....you have a life to live... I dont want to lose you...

 

In the old movie "Contact" the one with Jodie Foster playing a scientist who lost her father as a little girl. He had encouraged her to explore the world as a child...All she wants is to have him back. To have contact. Now she pursues the idea of the aliens out there in space if she could make contact with them it would be amazing...she would be fulfilling what her father had wanted.......

so she pursues this for her father....and really it is her father she craves for...deep down inside....she must explore this world and the one out there. For any child to grow they must be allowed to explore their world and more effectively their real world . Then their brain neurons will start to birth and bud and grow interconnecting branches like a cherry blossom tree in spring. one day there will be flowers others can see. What secret growth took place will show its fruit.

 

In normal children and even those born with disabilities if they are encouraged to explore their world and the bigger world outside they will grow and develop. Children left in cots who had downs syndrome in the old days (Bidabe 2001 'No ordinary move') never developed, never even walked, not given the chance, not supported and pushed

to even try they do not develop or grow as they could have if they had been urged to and given the belief in or expectation . Heartbreaking and tragic. ...its common....

 

the girl in the contact movie was pushed by her father to explore this world and the one out further. ..space

when she goes to space as a scientist the earth is blue and green from a distance ...she cannot believe how beautiful planet earth is ...interestingly the one alien she meets is in the image of her father and really he is the one she has been craving for all along. His love for her and her attachment to him can never die...no matter what no matter who dies the attachment never will...

we crave contact with each other especially those who loved us at the start of our lives why would it stop now?

man feels alone in the universe but he is not, we have each other yet we make distance between ourselves.... and even more so the children we bring into the world who should never have to feel they are alone

 

...attachment needs to be close and strong and relationships real for any of us to make it through the struggle s of this present life...

 

 

So we are not alone at all but we have to reach out to those existing connections or make new ones where there are none....friends can become family and vice versa...if you realized the need you have deep inside can never be satisfied with anything less...sometimes that could be a spiritual connection, for survival to even to live in this seemingly material world....a virtual world or its relationships do not truly exist....and you are kidding yourself if you think they do.....pure escapism they will not ultimately satisfy or meet the deepest need inside you...why would it?...its not real...its all a trick and smoke screen andwill rob you of the real life you could live and the real greatness you can bring....

 

 

all the best

 

Anndrea x